Why You Keep Getting Irritated

You’re not “an irritable person.”

If you’ve been snapping, withdrawing, or feeling emotionally tight, there’s usually a deeper reason: your system is keeping score.

In this episode, we talk about the kind of irritation women experience when they’ve been carrying too much for too long, and why “just communicate better” often doesn’t fix it.

You’ll learn:

·         Why irritation is often a cover emotion for resentment

·         The 3 ways resentment disguises itself

·         A simple tool to translate irritation into one clean boundary

·         A micro-action you can take today to reduce emotional load

Next step: Take the Burnout Assessment here to pinpoint where you’re overgiving and what needs to change.

This podcast is part of a deeper body of work supporting women who are capable, accomplished, and emotionally exhausted from overgiving.

If you’d like to explore what this work looks like in a more personal way, you’ll find the next step below.

Take the Burnout Assessment here.

Learn more about my book Claws Out, Thriving in a World That Wants You Tamed on this link.

Transcript

If you’ve been more irritated lately, you might be telling yourself: ‘What is wrong with me?’
 Nothing is wrong with you.

Irritation is what shows up when you’ve been swallowing too much for too long—and your kindness starts to run out.

So you snap at a small thing… not because it’s big, but because you have no more capacity.

Welcome to Loved Without Losing Yourself.

This is for the woman who gets things done.
 The woman who looks composed.
 The woman people rely on.

And yet lately… she feels shorter. Less patient. Less warm.
 And she doesn’t like it.

This episode is called: Why You Keep Getting Irritated
Because irritation is rarely random.

Let’s be honest.

Most of us don’t wake up and decide:
“Today I’ll be sharp. Today I’ll be cold. Today I’ll snap.”

It builds as the day progresses and it builds when you’re the one who:

• keeps the household running
• remembers every single activity the kids have, 
• makes sure to remember important events in everyone's lives
• smooths what gets awkward
• absorbs what other people avoid

And you most probably have been doing that for a long time… until one day you realise you can’t, because you don’t have the capacity to give anymore.

So you snap at the smallest thing.
 Because it’s the 18th “small thing” that, unfortunately, you have to pay attention to. 

Irritation is often what happens when you’ve been “fine” for too long.

In this episode, I want to talk about the 3 hidden reasons that make you irritated 

1) You’re living with invisible expectations

And these expectations are not always spoken. Definitely not always agreed to.
 But somehow… you’re following them.

• You’re expected to be reasonable.
• You’re expected to be available.
• You’re expected to be the one who doesn’t make it a “thing.”

And if you do make it a thing?
 You worry, you feel guilty, either because you believe you’ll be “too much,” or you don’t want to be perceived as “dramatic,” or “hard work.”

And what do you do? You swallow the truth, you don’t speak up about how you feel…and it comes out later as irritation.

2) You’re doing “love” in a way that costs you

I want to make this very clear because it is very important:

Some women show love by over-functioning.
 By carrying. By anticipating. By adjusting too much.

You are generous to the rest of the world, but to yourself, it slowly becomes:
“I do everything… and nobody values or sees me.”

And when you feel unseen, you don’t feel loved.
You feel used — even if nobody intends to use you.

That’s when warmth disappears. Because in your mind, you’re tired of paying.

And the last reason is . . .

3) You don’t have enough room to be human

Do you want to know what creates irritation fast?

Never having a moment where you are allowed to be:

• tired
• messy
• quiet
• moody
• off
• needing support

Because you’re constantly “on.” And when a woman is constantly on, she becomes brittle.

So the irritation isn’t you being mean. It’s you being stretched too thin.
 And the sad reality is that no one directly asked you to be always on. You decided to take on that role.

So, here’s where most women make it worse:

They try to fix irritation with better wording.

They usually think, “If I just explain it nicely, it will change.”

But if your life stays the same, your emotions will return to the same place.

Because irritation is not asking for a conversation. When you are irritated you are requesting a change to the deal.

And if the deal is: You carry more, you get less. Your body eventually will keep protesting.

And I want to give you a tool that doesn’t sound like therapy homework. It’s simple yet very effective because it helps you understand what is going on. And once you uncover the real issue, then you can work on it to resolve it. 

And the tool that I want to give you is called The Irritation Audit.
So every time you find yourself feeling irritated, ask yourself these three questions:

1) What am I currently tolerating that I wouldn’t advise another woman or my daughter to tolerate?
And be honest with yourself.

2) What am I doing “so it’s easier for everyone” — that makes it harder for me?
Name the thing.

3) What is the smallest adjustment that makes this fairer?
 
Let me give you some examples to make this even clearer:

• If you’re irritated because people dump tasks on you at the last minute:
   A small adjustment might look like this: “If it’s same-day, I’m not the person.” Tell them. 
• If you’re irritated because you’re the default planner and reminder:
   The small adjustment might be: stop reminding once and let the consequence happen.
• If you’re irritated because you’re emotionally available to everyone except yourself:
   Small adjustment: pick a daily “closed door” window. 20 minutes. No explanation.

The goal is not to become harsh. The goal is to stop living in a way that quietly trains people to think: “She’ll handle it.”

Today, I want to challenge you to not fix one thing you normally fix.

This will help you remember that you’re not here to hold everything together with your nervous system and your smile. But instead, you’re allowed to take your hands off the wheel sometimes.

If you’ve been irritated lately, don’t label yourself.

Listen.

Because irritation is often your truth, trying to get your attention after your polite version has been ignored for too long.

And if you want a clear snapshot of where you’re leaking energy right now, take the Burnout Assessment quiz. I will drop the link in the show notes.

I’ll see you next week.