Too Much? Or Finally Honest?

There’s a specific kind of silence that high-achieving women master.

Not the “I have nothing to say” silence, the strategic silence. The polished one. The one that keeps things smooth.

Because somewhere along the way, you learned that being fully expressed comes with a risk: misunderstood, judged, rejected, or labeled “too much.”

In this episode, we’re naming the pattern behind self-silencing:
how capable women start editing their emotions, minimizing their needs, and softening their truth until they can’t feel themselves clearly anymore.

You’ll hear:

• Why “too much” is often a signal of someone else’s limited capacity—not your flaw
• The subtle ways self-silencing shows up (even when your life looks successful)
• What it creates over time: resentment, distance, numbness, and the feeling of carrying love alone
• A simple practice to stop over-explaining and start speaking with clean clarity: The One-Sentence Truth

If this hit close to home, don’t rush past it.

Next step: Take the Burnout Assessment linked in the show notes. It will show you exactly where you’re leaking yourself, and what needs to shift first.

This podcast is part of a deeper body of work supporting women who are capable, accomplished, and emotionally exhausted from overgiving.

If you’d like to explore what this work looks like in a more personal way, you’ll find the next step below.

Take the Burnout Assessment here.

Learn more about my book Claws Out, Thriving in a World That Wants You Tamed on this link.

Transcript

Have you ever been called “too much”… and then spent years trying to prove you’re not?
 Less emotional. Less direct. Less needy. Less you.

You didn’t become calmer.
 You became quieter.

Today we’re talking about that.
 Because self-silencing doesn’t look like weakness but more like being “fine.”

Welcome to Loved Without Losing Yourself.
This is for the woman who’s capable, dependable, and outwardly composed but privately exhausted from carrying the emotional weight of everything.

This episode is called: Too Much? Or Finally Honest?
Because for a lot of women, the line between truth and “too much” gets blurry and silence starts to feel like the safest option.

Self-silencing starts with a small internal calculation.

“If I say it, we’ll argue.”
 “If I bring it up, I’ll look needy.”
 “If I react, I’ll be judged.”
 “If I ask for more, I’ll push them away.”

So you don’t say it.
 You don’t ask.
 You don’t correct the moment.
 And because you’re high-functioning, you can do it in a way that looks graceful.

You keep it civil.
 You stay rational.
 You stay “fine.”

But fine is often a disguise.
It’s you being present in the room… while being absent in your truth.

There’s a version of you that speaks plainly, asks directly, and takes up space.
 And there’s a version that keeps the peace by shrinking her own voice.

This episode is for the women who have been living as the second version and calling it maturity.

Now, I want us to name something clearly:
 “Too much” is a lazy label.

It’s rarely a real assessment of you.
 Most of the time, it’s someone reacting to what they don’t know how to handle.

Emotion they can’t handle.
 Directness that makes them uncomfortable.
 Needs that require them to show up.
 Confidence that challenges their control.

And yet most women don’t interpret it that way.

We internalize it.
 We translate “too much” into rules we live by:

Be easier.
 Be quieter.
 Be less.
 Be grateful.
 Be low maintenance.

So your truth becomes something you negotiate with.
 Your needs become something you dilute.
 Your standards become something you soften… and then feel guilty about.

And the more you do it, the more automatic it becomes until you forget it’s even happening.
 It stops feeling like a choice and starts feeling like your personality.

And that's why you get trapped here.

Because you’re good at self-management.
 You know how to hold it together.
 You know how to stay composed.
 You know how to speak “properly.”
 You know how to read a room and adjust in real time.

You know how to be impressive, helpful, and controlled.

So when something feels emotionally risky, you don’t fall apart.
 You don’t “lose it.”
 You do what you’ve always done: you manage.

You tighten your tone.
 You choose the right words.
 You become reasonable.
 You become understanding.
 You become a bigger person.

And if we use relationship and I want to use relationship as an example, it can look like this:

From the outside, everything looks steady because nothing is exploding.
 But inside, you start to feel alone... because you’re not fully in it.

You’re there, but you’re filtered.

A lot of women, when they decide to walk away, do it not because they stopped loving their partner. They walk away because they can’t keep living as a carefully edited version of themselves.

And let me put it differently:
 Every time you silence yourself, you protect the relationship… and you lose a little closeness.
 Not closeness with them.
 Closeness with you.

Self-silencing doesn’t just change what you say.
 It changes what you feel. And that's the most important part. 

And what often follows looks like this:

You start doubting your reactions.
 You overthink conversations for hours… and then say nothing.
 You get irritated by small things because the big things are never spoken about.
 You feel unseen, then guilty for wanting to be seen.
 You stop asking… and then quietly test whether they’ll offer.

And one day, you notice that even when you’re in the same room…
 you’re not actually with them.

You might be managing the atmosphere.
 Managing yourself. Managing your reactions.
 Managing what can and cannot be said.

And that isn’t intimacy.
 That’s emotional administration.
 And it’s inauthentic and it's exhausting.

So if this is you, I want to name something important:

The real issue here isn’t your needs.
 It’s that you’ve been trained to treat needs as threats.
 So instead of asking, you brace. Instead of expressing, you monitor.

Now, when I say “stop self-silencing,” I don’t mean become harsh.
 I don’t mean to become confrontational.
 I’m not inviting you to start fights.

This is an invitation for you to stop abandoning yourself.

Because you can be direct, honest, and express yourself without being brutal or without expressing your pain. Without becoming the villain, the victim here. 

Because what you really need is clean expression.
Clear. Simple. No emotional gymnastics.

So let me give you a practice for today.
 It’s called The Two-Line Truth.

Because let’s be honest, most women self-silence through over-explaining. I’ve been guilty of this, and I bet you have been guilty too. 

Line one: Name what’s true in one sentence.
“I didn’t feel considered in that moment.”
“I’m not okay with how that was handled.”
“I miss closeness with you.”
“I’m carrying too much on my own.”

Second line: Name what you want now in one sentence.
“I want us to talk about it tonight, not brush it off.”
“I want a real plan, not a promise.”
“I want you to initiate connection time this week.”
“I want this to be shared, not assumed as my job.”

That’s it.
 Two lines.

No courtroom.
 No evidence file.
 No “I’m sorry but…”
 No “maybe I’m wrong…”
 No, “it’s fine.”

And I can guarantee you’ll feel the urge to add more.
 To justify.
 To soften it.
 To make it “easier to receive.”

That impulse is your old strategy. Its your old self explaining. Overexplaining has been your way of seeking safety.

And this is because your brain thinks you need to do this to be taken seriously.

But the new version of you doesn’t ask for permission to speak her truth. She states the truth, and she stops pretending.

Here’s the question I want you to sit with today:

Where am I betraying what’s real for me?

Where are you quiet?
 Where do you swallow, soften, smile… and then go numb later?
 Where do you “handle it” and pay for it privately?

As always ...
 If this episode landed, don’t treat it like a mindset insight.
 Treat it like a turning point.

Because every time you silence yourself, you teach your system:
 “My truth is unsafe.”

And every time you speak with clarity, you teach your system:
 “I can stay connected to myself and still stay in a relationship.”

And remember: “too much” isn’t who you are.
 You’re not a problem to manage.
 You’re a woman with a voice.

And if your voice has been getting smaller, understand that it was because you were trying to keep love stable.
It was a strategy. It makes sense.
And you can choose differently now.

If you want help seeing exactly where you’ve been leaking yourself—emotionally, mentally, relationally—take the Burnout Assessment linked in the show notes.
It will give you a clear picture of what’s happening and what to address first.

I’ll see you in the next episode.